April 2, 2007

Ladies: What'sThe Right Time For Sex

Women who are interested in marriage must signal men before sex that they are moving toward marriage, or too often the woman will be hurt and time will be wasted.  This is the core of what women who are looking for that “right” guy should learn - how to have committed sex.

 
Not long after you meet, maybe even on the first date, a man will invite you to play the masculine game of "Let's consummate the relationship during the Perfect Phase, when we don't know the downsides of our personalities, but the chemistry is really rolling."

 
Don't be insulted by an honest request for casual sex.  It means his body likes your body, and he wants to do what's natural for bodies to do.  Men want to play after work.  One of the things that they want to play at is sex.  So, be grateful to whoever asks you for sex as long as he does it courteously, and say thank you even when you say no.

 
If you agree to casual sex, what you are really saying is, "I don't know you, but who cares?  Let's do it because our bodies want it, and, hopefully, pretty soon, we'll fall in love and get married, I guess."

 
Unfortunately, things don't work that way.  Monogamy, it appears, is a "female" situation, while masculine men may be comfortable with multiple sex partners.  So how do you know when to have sex with a new man?  That's easy: After he gives you a commitment.

 
A man knows before he meets a woman if he is available for commitment, but often what it takes is a woman requiring him to make that commitment.  This means nothing less than a woman saying, "I am not going to have sex with you until you promise me continuity, exclusivity, and longevity," or in other words, commitment.

 
This is a promise that he must make soberly at least a day in advance of consummation and preferably in the cold light of day when you are talking and not engaging in sexual foreplay.  If he will promise that he is interested in a long-term, sexually exclusive, continuous relationship leading to a mutual goal that you both appreciate, which may or may not include a legal marriage, then he is on his way to love.

 
Let's talk about continuity: A man must promise that once you have sex with him, you and he will continue to have sex on a regular basis, and that this isn't just a brief fling.  Then of course we have longevity: Is he looking for a one-night stand or a possible lifetime commitment?  Find out what his long-term plans are for relating to a woman - you.

 
If you want a long-term relationship, then he must be available for, and be willing to have, one with the same goals as yours.  If you want marriage and children, he doesn't have to propose marriage, but rather, "I'm available for marriage and children, and if things work out between us, I'm willing." 

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